why do things get so fucking complicated when you grow up?

watever happened to i like u. u like me. lets be together.

he's out of town now.. which gives me time to think.. nic is trying to talk me out of it whenever she has the chance to..

i'm trying to convince myself as well.. hmm i was doing so well for the past few days until he called.

it takes one phone call from him to get me all thinking again.

he called the night before, last night and this afternoon.. when i was watching zohan with alex.

i dunno wtf i'm doing. this time is different bcos i cant run away like i usually do..

i have my way of dealing with problems.. i ignore. which i'm pretty good at, btw.

but i have so much more to lose if i run away this time.. its not worth it.. and i dun wan to..

think, vanessa.

think.


in the meantime, check out my awesome tv:

and so i bought a tv




Zouked on sat and only had 3hrs of slp before work the next day.

i almost died.

new tv anyone?

i'm so tired of living.

did i mention i might be leaving the world for awhile?

dun really see the need to strive.. why make myself suffer and go through all this stress? waking up is a chore.. it always is, but this time its different.. i really need to get my shit together..

depression much?

nah.. i think its just a phase.. i'll get over it..

hopefully.

"I dun mind fighting,
but i can't fight forever.."


happy father's day, dad.

"There is a part in every day
when I lie to myself and say that its okay,
cause if I don't I think I'll go insane,
but the truth is,
I only have myself to blame"








decision made.


i've always had big plans for myself.


i see myself living comfortably in a big house driving my dream car, with my husband and children.. planning on getting a dog too.. a german shepherd for that matter..

get a maid to take care of the house chores.. take a few years off work after giving birth.. and when my children gets old enough for school, i'll pick my child up from sch in the evening after work..

OR

i'll be this successful and happy person doing something i love.. earning tons of moolah.. photography maybe?

still driving my dream car.. but instead of a big house, it'll be this ridiculously priced condo along holland road.. i would get a dog too.. german shepherd of cos.. i'll prolly be staying on my own..

meeting my mum and dad on weeknights cos as a successful photographer, i'll have to work thru the weekends too... have dinner and shop ard with them.. and i'm gonna pay for everything..




one can always dream.. rite?



anyway, i spent 3 hours at kino after gym this afternoon.. searching for the perfect book to waste my time and money on..

ended up buying a regular novel and a book for him..

i'm saving up for a tv btw..

night now.

i really need to make decisions.

was watching tv awhile ago.. this 26yr old girl owns a condo and a convertible and plans on buying a yacht..

gosh i'm alr 21.

i dun even noe whr i'm gg.. i do have 2 choices now.. leave next yr or start the course now.. well, not exactly now.. but this yr..

the cost for both is abt $12k-$13k.. so i really have to choose one.. 8mths or a year..

thank god mum's supportive.. but she's worried i might give up halfway... which i usually do..

=(

i havent been online for days......

went out for dinner with fren on thurs night.. first we walked over to far east, checked out his fren's new shop.. took a bus to my boss's place at Jervois to get his car den had dinner.

i cant rmb wat happened on fri.. prolly nth..

on sat, went over to lucas's chalet over at east coast after work.. it was really last min... reached around 11 and got home at 4am.. would've stayed over but the bed was far too dirty..

oh and i permed my hair tdy.





yay.




just when everything is gg SODAMNBLOODYWELL.. thigns happen and i have to make decisions. dammit.